June 17th, 2014
|09:06 pm - Skyrim Part 13 - Rita Oidrom Abruptly Runs Out of Mage Plot|
Today I learned that in the upcoming Skylanders: Trap Team, one of the playable characters is a hard-rock werewolf in tight leather pants who attacks with power chords and knee-slides.
I can feel myself sinking deeper. Don't make my mistakes. This is not a place of honor. Run.
Back in Skyrim, Rita beat a zombie priest in a swordfight to prove her magical power. This is mildly ridiculous but does speak to the benefits of having a well-rounded character, or failing that a character loaded down with as many magical artifacts as you can possibly carry. Now, armed with the Staff of Magnus and racing against-- well. Strolling, really, it's not very urgent...
Now, strolling against time, she returns to the College of Winterhold to see whether the place is still standing or not. Can she get a diploma if the building's exploded? That kind of thing must happen at magical universities all the time.
First, though, Rita stops by the house to work a bit on the next wing (the "main hall") and to flip Lydia a bag of gold to hire a personal carriage driver with. This is starting to feel a bit Count of Monte Cristo, except we have no one to take vicious revenge on. Well, Ancano maybe. On the way out, Rita noticed that Valdimar has wandered in. You may recall him as the housecarl appointed because we're Thane of... somewhere unimportant. Morthal, probably?
Apparently he just wanders on into the house and sits down with Lydia for an ale and some deer leg. ... You know what? That is not my business. You two have fun. Rita out.
One thing I notice, as I'm setting out, is that the map marker for the College is actually MISSING. You don't think they actually...
...oh what the crap is THIS now. The entire college is wrapped in a shimmery transparent bubble-shield. A number of faculty and students are gathered up outside, and Rita just starts glaring at people until they tell her what's going on. The most helpful reply she gets is that Ancano's shields are getting bigger! REALLY, Sherlock? What CLUES helped you piece together that deduction?
Rita's Staff of Magnus blows a hole in those shields and she storms in. Blasts the Eye of Magnus with the Staff of Magnus. Ancano starts screaming about how his POWER IS SUPREEEEME! Ancano's health bar appears at the top of the screen like the game is going into boss-fight mode, so Rita whips around and lightning-bolts him in the face. He dies. Instantly. One shot.
I don't even have time to get a screen of that. Dude just goes down like a sack. Then the Psijic monks pop in to inform Rita that the Eye of Magnus is way too dangerous to leave in this world, so they're going to take it with them back to theirs. ... Wait wait wait WHAT!? Before Rita can ask any questions, they're teleporting away.
With most of the senior college staff dead and nobody else really interested in taking the job, Rita becomes Arch-Mage by default. She gets some robes, a pat on the back, and a new room up in the tower. Good job saving the world, Rita. Want to spend the rest of your life slumming around with these schlubs?
How 'bout no. How 'bout hell no. Hanging around with these losers would only spoil Rita's reputation. ... Still totally going to help them out with sidequests and all, but NOT TODAY. I honestly sort of expected that quest-line to have a bigger wrap-up. Oh well.
Instead, Rita departs for High Hrothgar to clean up a loose end: Turning in the Horn to the Greybeards. They are delighted to FINALLY (like six months later) have their ancient artifact back, and teach Rita to go "Dah". It means "Push". Rita is now a fully trained Dragonborn, so they all get together in a big circle around her and scream at her for a while.
"Lingrah krosis saraan Strundu'ul, voth nid balaan klov praan nau. Naal Thu'umu, mu ofan nii nu, Dovahkiin, naal suleyk do Kaan, naal suleyk do Shor, ahrk naal suleyk do Atmorasewuth. Meyz nu Ysmir, Dovahsebrom. Dahmaan daar rok."
Or, in English: "Long has the Stormcrown waited in sorrow, with no worthy head to rest on. By our Voice we now give it to you, Dragonborn, in the name of Kyne, in the name of Shor, and the name of Atmora of Old. Become now Ysmir, the Dragon of the North. Remember those words!"
(You have no idea how difficult it was not to retranslate that last bit as "Got it memorized?")
It's the same thing they yelled at Talos when he showed up, so this is one more step on the road to becoming a new Divine for Rita, which is terribly exciting. What's more, it makes her officially a dragon! She doesn't have wings or the ability to fly or anything like that, but... y'know, it's a step up from "Elf", right?
Let's see. We haven't had enough Random Adventure lately, so let's just wander off for a while...
On the way out of there, Rita comes across a pair of "Treasure Hunters" who scream and attack her on sight.
The treasure they were willing to attack an archmage to protect? Like 50 gold and a health potion. Eesh.
Nearby is a wrecked cart with a merchant nearby.
He tells Rita that he's got a camp up at Nilheim... remember Nilhem? And he'd be very grateful if she'd walk him there. So she does, and he alerts the "guards" -- actually bandits! -- and so Rita is forced to kill everyone and put a giant icicle up his butt.
Augh, seriously? What is WRONG with the people of Skyrim? If only they respected human life as I do, I would not have to kill so MANY of them! Ooh what's that?
It's a door marked "Darkwater Pass", so I shrug and head on in. It's a dwemer ruin and cave system filled to the brim with Falmer. There's also a fellow named Derkeethus in a prison cell. He begs to be let free. I think about the last two encounters. I sigh. I let him out. ... Amazingly, he does NOT stab Rita in the back the moment she turns around. He actually seems to be a pretty decent guy, and once we're out it becomes possible to recruit him to follow us full-time.
Still... he's a random miner I found in some ruins. I end up saying no. I just don't want the responsibilty of keeping him alive in this hostile, deadly world.
Skyrim's a lovely place, but it's hard to find a friend there. Is there no one out there Rita can respect?
So... aside from one or two here and there, it's been dead silent in the comments for these and I'm getting to worry they're more irritating than interesting. Should I keep going on these, or just drop it here?
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I, for one, read each and every one of them. I find this to be very amusing and entertaining and would like them to continue. It gives you -something- to focus on right now, which is a good thing fuzzbutt.
I've been reading & enjoying these! They are amusing. I just don't always have lots to say in response.
FANGY GESTURES OF AFFECTION to you and your self-confidence issues, though. :D