Pokemon Omega Ruby Episode 12 - In Which Someone Unexpectedly Attempts To Be A Responsible Adult - The Forbidden Codex of The Pink Beyond - A Sqrl's Journal
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August 11th, 2017
|01:27 am - Pokemon Omega Ruby Episode 12 - In Which Someone Unexpectedly Attempts To Be A Responsible Adult|
If I have one regret so far it's that I didn't purchase Alpha Sapphire, all that time ago when I was shopping for a new Pokemon game. In an alternate universe where life rolled down a different path y'all have been reading like twelve updates full of me dealing with Team Aqua and making "ARRRR IT'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS" jokes every time Archie shows up. I can only imagine such a blessed timeline is a veritable utopia of magical wonderlandness and ... uh, stuff?
I'll be honest with you guys, that first paragraph was 98% written when I desperately needed some sleep, and I'm reluctant to mess with it too much right now because it's kind of gloriously ridiculous. Let's just move on.
Last time Maxie stole a submarine, painted it with googly eyes and sent it out to dig up a landscape-destroying kaiju armed with what may or may not be the wrong mystical dingus to control the thing. Today we are gonna explore the ramifications of that plan, as soon as we find some way to get to the ocean floor and not die/drown. I bet it involves pokemon somehow.
As it happens, we're in Lilycove City (which is a port town) and the main places we haven't explored yet are on an island off to the east and a second island south of where we are. The one to the south is entirely enclosed in mountains so we aren't gettin' in there. East it is, which takes us to Mossdeep City.
Mossdeep City is the home of Hoenn's ... space program? They have one of those? Okay. Well there's a rocket here. That's ... novel. Anyway the local gym is another one of those weird experimental ones. It has TWO gym leaders, and they double-battle you.
I still don't see why you can't double-battle the Elite Four with a partner, if this exists. Anyway this is a Psychic type gym and I've got a ghost pokemon who needs leveling, so ... steamroller time. The only halfway interesting moment on the way to the leaders is the dude who wants Lime to "show off her talent" and who I assume moments later got slapped off his battle platform.
The local gym duo are twins, Liza and Tate. They spend a bit of time floating around doing kung-fu poses to show off how psychic they are, and talk about how great it is to be psychic twins.
They have one pokemon each.
Okay, this has been a thing, but... this version of Hoenn's gym leaders are all REALLY underwhelming, you guys. Like, less toothy than even Pokemon Y's and that's saying a lot. They could at least have, like, a full team.
Stepping out of the gym, there's a bit of an earthquake and a pillar of light rises from the ocean floor just off the coast. Oops, crap, were we forgetting something? Oh right, Maxie's trying to blow up the ocean.
So while everyone's standing around going "WHOA DUDE WHAT" and all, Steven shows up to tell us how to attack the light. Interestingly, Steven says he "heard from Liza and Tate that we'd visited the gym" and we legit JUST walked out of there, so ... oh wait they are in fact literally actual psychics who could tell Steven this right into his brain, so that's plausible. Steven takes Lime to his little house by the sea. Is this a date?
"Let us take a moment to understand what is happening to our world right now."
It's like dating Al Gore. Steven this relationship isn't going to work.
The Seafloor Cavern's seal is broken and the creature that slumbered there is about to rise. Steven urges Lime to action, since "A crisis unlike any other before it wil befall every living thing on this planet." Can't we just get one of the other legendaries to handle it? Lugia's supposed to be guarding the oceans, right? What happened with him?
It's up to us though. We get the "Dive" HM and Steven's even nice enough to hand over some Devon-brand scuba gear. There is water at the bottom of the ocean, and it's time for us to check it out.
It takes me a while to find the right place because I read the locale to dive at as Route 126 instead of 128. Oops. They're like right next to each other, now that 7's off eating 9. In the end we get it all squared away and track down the sub in an undersea cave. Surfacing and exploring deep inside the cave we find ... block-pushing puzzles yaaay. Everyone loves these*.
(*disclaimer: everyone may not actually love these)
Way down in the deep dark places beneath the sea, where lava flows still run hot and red... Maxie has apparently just beaten Archie in a pokemon duel, because that is still the method of escalation for all things including trying to stop the world from ending. As Lime steps in, Maxie starts a-speechin'.
"Even I, the great Maxie, have found myself wishing for something I cannot justify. And the illogical desire that I harbored was to have you present here at this moment!"
Because you can't stop showing off, you oversized theater kid. You just desperately want someone to look at you. Anyway, asleep in the lava behind him is Groudon, or as Maxie puts it, "SUPER-ANCIENT POKEMON GROUDON!" and Maxie's new partner in driving humanity to the next level.
"This foolish world has held back humanity's progress out of misguided idealism regarding the coexistence of humans and Pokemon."
Wait what the hell? This is a new angle you're working.
"But this ancient creature can bring that to its rightful end, creating a new land upon which humanity may stride freely forward. Now that I have at last obtained the power of Primal Groudon!"
So in order to end the age of coexistence between humans and pokemon you're going to use a pokemon and try to coexist with it while it's making entire big-ass new landmasses that are HUMANS ONLY POKEMON KEEP OUT? Maxie, do words spend time in your brain before they come out of your mouth, or do they just bubble out and you try to keep up?
Anyway we're the one thing between him and his goals blah blah let's pokemon fight. Maxie has a new trick: MEGA EVOLUTION. He doesn't have a bracelet, he just jams the evo-stone in one of the materia slots in his glasses. So, what's he got...
Fluffy yena. Big Mac punches it out. X-Wing bat. Sandwich shoots ice lasers at it. A giant fart cloud. This is a bit more durable than the others.
Finally he brings out a Camerupt, which reacts to his mega stone and becomes... a walking shag carpet with ambition. I still have a water type pokemon out. It's still 4x weak to water moves. God I almost feel bad about this.
"Splended, my young trainer. No, I should be calling you my young hero!" Dude I ain't your anything.
Maxie: "Believing until the very end that a world where humanity and Pokemon coexist must be the best... Rejecting my ideals without a second thought... Yes, watching you struggle desperately to halt the beginning of the world's end... You are undoubtedly a hero!"
Okay mate check this, I could be a straight-up villain and still think your plan is rock-ass stupid.
A: Pokemon are weirdly essential to this world's entire ecosystem and economy, so any plan that involves "dump the pokemon" isn't flying. Team Rocket at least had the bright idea to use Pokemon for criminal gain.
B: Your plan involves waking up Disasterzilla the Doombringer and unleashing it on the world to make a new land mass. Why would he stop at one? Why would he not END ALL LIFE including your lame ass?
C: You can't even be bothered to listen to the tales of what the rock you have DOES. You just know what you THINK it does.
I could be bucking to steamroll the ocean and put up a parking lot and I would still think your evil plot is a quarter baked and so are you.
Maxie: "My dream for the world's next step forward will never change!"
Ugh you dingus.
Anyway Maxie pulls out the Red Orb ...and Tabitha shows up to plead that he SHOULDN'T. It'll bring about an end of the world! Maxie just sulks a while and accuses Tabitha of trying to betray him. Then he awakens Groudon anyway.
Maxie has about thirty seconds to crow about his new world of human evolution before his phone goes off.
"So the sun has turned mercilessly fierce in its heat. I should expect so." comes his side of the conversation with the frantic Magma Dorks outside.
"What?! The heat is greater than simulations predicted? It will be a risk to our own safety if it continues?! That cannot be..."
You MEGA dork.
So Groudon is drawing an immense amount of energy from uh SOMEWHERE and is preparing to undergo Primal Reversion, which will make it even FURTHER out of control.
Finally, Archie speaks up. "Primal Groudon brings about an end all right. But YOU don't get to choose what end. It's gonna drive every living thing on the planet to its death! The only thing waiting is despair. A despair we can't run from. A despair that's gonna crush humanity."
Tabitha and Archie tug Mint outside so they can see what's going on in person. The sun takes up half the sky, red clouds all around the horizon. Stuck by this, even Maxie has to hang his head. "It... was supposed to be a world where the human race would attain new heights..."
"Everything's gonna die." Archie chimes in helpfully.
Sigh. It's still a pokemon, y'all. A really big, impressive, dangerous one ... but it's still a pokemon. Catching pokemon is what pokemon trainers DO. Archie seems to get this: We're headed to the city of Sootopolis, where the Cave of Origin lies. That cave holds a power that Groudon needs for Primal Reversion.
"We got no choice but to go ourselves. We gotta do whatever we can to fight back."
Archie demands that Team Magma come with us, because it's THEIR mess and THEY'RE gonna help clean it up. Then he turns back to Lime. "Hey. Scamp. Look, I'm supposed to be a grown-up, right?"
W-wait ...you ARE? I figured you were three eight year olds in a spandex suit with a magnetic beard stuck on.
"So let me say sorry for the way this has gone down. We need every hand on deck if we're gonna do something about this mess."
Look, Archie. I got you covered. Victory has ALWAYS gone to those with courage, and a success chance of 1% isn't 0%, so it might as well be 100%.
Go be an adult, Archie. Relax. Let the kid take care of this.
NEXT TIME: We save the damn world. What did you expect?